i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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