how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
