I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
