Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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