They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
