all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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