Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize