You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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