Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
