That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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