So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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