The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
