your room smells of hookers.
And success
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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