Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
