is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
