I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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