All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
