You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
