I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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