Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize