I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
