Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
