I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize