It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
