my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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