RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
