it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
