All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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