I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well