she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered