what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps