You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus