already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.