My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well