Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Randomize
Follow @tfln