I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
