just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
