There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
