FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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