Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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