I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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