his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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