The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
