so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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