Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
