you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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