Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
