From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
