Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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