I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
