it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
