youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
