My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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