I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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