i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
