In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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