I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
