You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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