you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
