2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
