She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
