No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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