ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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