Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.