thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety