fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off