So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.