Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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