I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
