No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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