I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
