i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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