It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
