I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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