your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
