Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
