I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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