my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
