i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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