i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so let's talk penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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