please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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